If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
