kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
