You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
