i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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