My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
