I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
