He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
