It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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