he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
