I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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