Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
