woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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