I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
