He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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