If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
