I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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