Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
