i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
