none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I sprained my soul last night
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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