Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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