if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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