Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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