I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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