i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
