vagina is talking i cant
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
