Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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