everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
