I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
