I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
