i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
