last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize