So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
