Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
