Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
