i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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