So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
