I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
