Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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