a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
