Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
