They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
