i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ketchup is God's man juice
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
