she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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