When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
