Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
