does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
