Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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