so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
