You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
