i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
