If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
