Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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