No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
