i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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