My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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