Kiss
Puke
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
