I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just tell him i said nine months
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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