hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
