thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
