the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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