Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
