im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
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Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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