I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just cropdusted the office
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
