After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
